golf is fucking retarded

jeff: I think you should take up golf.
jeff: I'd bet you could smack the ball a long ways, and give ol' Clint a run for his money when you're in town. Walking the course like we do gives you some nice exercise, too.
___nobody: hey that sounds great
___nobody: except for one thing
___nobody: golf is fucking retarded

your meat is softer

Albert: I've had steak from both your bbq and Lee's bbq.
Albert: Your meat is softer.

what the bathtub is for

Brandon: I did my quarterly house deep-scrub
Brandon: I need a fucking maid, I hate that shit
___nobody: I think it does make you messier though
Brandon: you mean having a maid?
___nobody: yeahs
___nobody: cuz you know it's gonna get cleaned
Brandon: what are you doing, taking a crap in the sink? geez
___nobody: just saying, you never know when you're going to need relief
Brandon: that's what the bathtub is for, rookie

only your second message

Denis: I hope you did something very useful today
___nobody: today was kind of a social day
___nobody: my friend harley was here from tucson
Denis: it is only your second message and you are already lying
___nobody: just think, with this kinda growth curve
___nobody: how good it'll be by message #5

still a spark

William: Haven't written seriously, well, ever maybe, but
William: I used to do it a lot more.
William: Thought the expo would be a fun way to see if there was still a spark
___nobody: you should move straight on to dirty romance fiction
William: fuck you

increased sensitivity

___nobody: i will not post your last comment
___nobody: out of my increased sensitivity

fail

a trick question

Irvin: do you wear underwear 100% of the time?
___nobody: is this a trick question?

all out of win

Denis: you gonna get rich soon or what?
Denis: i am tired of poor ___nobody
___nobody: honestly you'd quickly tire of rich nobody,
___nobody: or even
___nobody: well-to-do nobody
Denis: i cant win...can I
___nobody: i'm sorry sir.
___nobody: we're all out of Win.
___nobody: however, we're having a special on Lose.

i will model for u

Ben: I am dating a former lingerie/erotic model
Ben: she is a former chef
Ben: coming over wednesday to teach me more cooking
Ben: cooking dates rock
___nobody: model and chef??wtf
Ben: I will ask you out on a cooking date
___nobody: i will model for u
Ben: a/s/l
___nobody: webcam?

who is this

Denis: they are so cute http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oLdX5wmLis
___nobody: i half expect something horrific to happen
___nobody: at the end of this
Denis: they get served with burgundy sauce
Denis: and risoto
___nobody: ok it's pretty cute
___nobody: when did your account get hacked
___nobody: who is this
___nobody: WHO IS THIS

i forgot to tell you

___nobody: i thought i had something to tell you
___nobody: but i forgot
___nobody: oh, I did not see that movie, sunlight
___nobody: or starlight
___nobody: or whatever.
Eron: sunshine
Eron: you like?
Eron: oh you didn't see it.
Eron: wow, why would you even mention that?
Eron: oh!!!
Eron: I forgot to tell you.
Eron: I didn't visit China last weekend.
Eron: sweet, we have all sorts of conversation pieces lined up now.

always the thinker

___nobody: looking at TVs
Brandon: what kind of TVs?
___nobody: i saw this 46" LCD
___nobody: it looks pretty
Brandon: I can't get a bigger TV
___nobody: now that is a very real problem
___nobody: my downstairs, not so big
Brandon: just measure the dimensions of the tv
Brandon: get a piece of cardboard
Brandon: see how it'll look
___nobody: you were always the thinker

on your own for this one

Ravi: heh, it all seems to be down
___nobody: on production?
Ravi: yes prod is down
___nobody: there's no errors in log
Ravi: weird
___nobody: there
___nobody: i got a page back
Ravi: yes. I can't type
Ravi: introduced a typo in an important file
___nobody: well
___nobody: i have never, ever done that
Ravi: I figured
___nobody: so you are on your own for this one

music to my ears

Sandy: why do you keep logging in and out
Sandy: The uncertainty is killing me!
___nobody: it's my deep seated
___nobody: fear of committment
___nobody: no really it's just the piece of crap y! web messenger
Sandy: sure, blame it on web messenger when you know it's something else
___nobody: it's really the attention I get from the ladies
___nobody: "Hey, stop that"
Sandy: "Stop that" "I'm going to call security"
Sandy: "Hey, this is the ladies' bathroom"
___nobody: it's like music to my ears

whee

___nobody: i think the finance charts should
___nobody: always add the sleigh ride for falling stocks
Albert: hahah

success at last

more like infamous

Matt: checked logs this morning, everything is running fine
___nobody: sweet.
___nobody: i take back everything i said
Matt: oh man what have you been telling Denis
___nobody: pshh not just denis
___nobody: more like all-sunnyvale@
Matt: so that means people will know who I am now, sweet
___nobody: you're famous
___nobody: in some way
___nobody: well i guess that'd be more like infamous
___nobody: whoops

extreme not caring

Irvin: thanks for giving me 24 hours notice
Irvin: you were listening!
___nobody: see
___nobody: i do care
___nobody: on the inside
___nobody: underneath this exterior of
___nobody: extreme not caring

code word for hookers

Irvin: whats this i hear about unrequited hotpot
___nobody: yes we need hotpot
Irvin: yes we do
Irvin: found a top dog in san jose
Irvin: it's good
___nobody: top dog?
___nobody: is this some code word for hookers

---

Stanley: monkey do you know of the 2 for 1 deal in hot pot place
___nobody: no
___nobody: is this some code word for hookers

strong profanity filter

___nobody: i'm talking with "pamela" right now
Mun-Wai: oh
Mun-Wai: I was talking to someone
Mun-Wai: don't know the name
___nobody: "pamela" is 28
Mun-Wai: oh my!
Mun-Wai: you chatted up a storm!
Mun-Wai: you're going to know "pamela"'s whole life history
___nobody: it's amazing what you can do with only 2 lines
___nobody: of chat text and a
___nobody: strong profanity filter

a pretty good excuse

Denis: can my email be white listed for game-dev list?
___nobody: i dunno, probably
___nobody: the smart IT guy will ask WTF, why don't you
___nobody: just connect to corp email from home
___nobody: to which you better come up
___nobody: with a pretty good excuse
___nobody: like
___nobody: "i have cancer"

must have been rough

Sandy: whoo hoo, back at work (finally)
Sandy: I hate being away from this place
___nobody: it must have been rough
___nobody: away from email, meetings
Sandy: It was terrible, but I just kept thinking
Sandy: "don't worry, the meetings will be back"
___nobody: you're such a survivor

for my next trick

Albert: people are leaving google in droves too as options are vesting
___nobody: Wonder what the fuck they do
Albert: like all those rich people who left from yahoo
Albert: they'll be bored
___nobody: They are all fuckups
___nobody: 90% of people leaving YHOO rich == fuckups
Albert: damn...so I should be happy to be poor and
Albert: under command and control management?
___nobody: well no no
___nobody: but you have structure, motivation, err..
___nobody: lol, dumbass argues against being rich
___nobody: for my next trick
___nobody: i shall argue why ugly chicks are better than hot ones

well after quitting time

Irvin: shark
Irvin: 7pm tonight right?
___nobody: yes
Irvin: cool
Irvin: 7pm. hmm
Irvin: thats well after quitting time
Irvin: i may have to ride my bike home
Irvin: and then drive back out
___nobody: i trust you to call upon your years of experience
___nobody: in handling crisis like these
___nobody: to figure out the best plan of action

the job i dreamed of

___nobody: http://sims.yahoo.com/community/profile/bW_8ucQY1Mkh1VGoY0WVi.9p~A
gsheridan: nice beard
___nobody: you are helping these people
___nobody: really, more of "aiding and abetting"
gsheridan: I think you mean to say: I am "helping" these people.
gsheridan: this is the job I dreamed of doing as a child
gsheridan: I'm so proud to go home everyday
gsheridan: and share my work stories with my children.
___nobody: it kinda makes all those
___nobody: "stay in school and do well" talks kinda ring hollow, eh

this chat sucked

Irvin: its like this place is fighting a master ninja
Irvin: its already dead
Irvin: just doesnt know it yet
Irvin: isnt that awesome?
Irvin: its like front row to a snuff film
Irvin: do i make it to your blog again?
___nobody: no
Irvin: oh
___nobody: this chat sucked

i blame zombies

___nobody: it could be a bug, could be something else, I dunno
___nobody: its just a bad thing when you restart stuff and it starts working again
Kira: yah
Kira: i blame zombies.
Kira: they're always responsible, those zombies.

right up your alley

___nobody: my dentist is a fucking witch
___nobody: i think
Irvin: why
Irvin: what did she do to you
___nobody: fucking
___nobody: ripped my mouth apart
Irvin: haha
Irvin: i havent seen a dentist in afew years
___nobody: really
Irvin: yeah
Irvin: should go
___nobody: I have one for u
___nobody: she's cute but cruel
Irvin: oh?
Irvin: sign me up
Irvin: im masochistic
___nobody: dude she is right up your alley
___nobody: she can dish out as much hurt as you want
___nobody: for a $50 copay

close enough

William: do you only post your chats?
___nobody: umm i have thought about making it for others to submit
___nobody: but mostly just posting my own
___nobody: as i am the funniest fucking person in the world
William: No, just the most obnoxious.
___nobody: close enough
William: Heh - is that going in the blog?
___nobody: see how easy it is

somehow that hurts

Irvin: in my youtube account
Irvin: under the box labeled "Friends"
Irvin: in big 36 point font:
Irvin: "You have no Friends."
Irvin: somehow that hurts

no touching of the buttocks

Irvin: shark i bought a football
___nobody: is this a refound youth
Irvin: perhaps
Irvin: or perhpas another failed attempt at creating a bonding experience
___nobody: throw the ball
___nobody: drink a beer
___nobody: check out some chicks
Irvin: how can it get better than that?
Irvin: man im already looking forward to this future as yet unplanned bonding expereince
___nobody: it's like a beer commercial
Irvin: yeah.... a bunch of guys tackling each other...
Irvin: but then helping each other up with that palm to palm thumb up grip
___nobody: yeah
___nobody: with a beer in the other hand
___nobody: to give to them
___nobody: and a slap on the back
___nobody: no touching of the buttocks
Irvin: thats where the commercials lose me
Irvin: its like... why no butt touching?
Irvin: butt toucher
___nobody: that's where you lose interest
___nobody: if only they kept going, following the interaction to it's logical and exciting conclusion

more into it

___nobody: i've watched only 3 battlestar galacticas in the last season and a half
___nobody: maybe if they showed more boobs
___nobody: i'd be more into it

wrong move there

___nobody: how is annika
Matt: annika?
Matt: you didn't hear?
Matt: we gave her up
Matt: way too much trouble
Matt: had no idea
___nobody: public auction?
Matt: well, somewhat public
Matt: down south in mexico
Matt: got some bank
Matt: blond babies go for cash down there
Matt: jennifer was PISSED
Matt: I didn't tell her about it until afterwards
Matt: wow
Matt: wrong move there

a quick 20 seconds

___nobody: monkey just sitting here watching halo 3 TV ad
___nobody: awesome.
Stanley: money is it more awesome than the 300 TV ad
___nobody: monkey hard to say
___nobody: 300 TV ad also impressive.
___nobody: I think monkey I enjoy the trailers more than the actual thing now
Stanley: monkey understandable
Stanley: easy to digest
Stanley: a quick 20 seconds release
___nobody: monkey it's a minute of pounding action and then it's over
___nobody: rather than a couple moments of good stuff then a whole lot of boring talk

other people destructive

Irvin: shark youre a good guy. but dont worry. im not self destructive
___nobody: "...however, I am other people destructive."

sex changes

Adam: wtf is it with you guys and guns anyway?
Adam: there hasn't been a single school shooting in sweden
Adam: ever
Adam: no guns = no school shootings
___nobody: swedes are too busy getting sex changes
___nobody: to be violent

this is #2

___nobody: there should be a plugin for thunderbird that decodes outlook meeting invites
___nobody: that'd be sweet
Sofyan: sounds like a good Hack Day project
Sofyan: feel like taking it on?
___nobody: nah this is the kinda stuff i am happy to be a whiny user for
___nobody: as an engineer, there's some stuff where you're like "i could make that better!"
___nobody: and then, there's some stuff where you're like "wah, wah, i want the easy button"
___nobody: this is #2

skimp on quality

Joel: whats up
___nobody: dude
___nobody: food poisoning
Joel: you serious?
___nobody: yes
Joel: damn dude
Joel: no seirously, where you get sick?
___nobody: fucking
___nobody: vietnamese sandwhiches
Joel: holy shit
Joel: how can a meat sandwich less than $3 get you sick
Joel: did they skimp on quality?

you want korean

Ping: you want korean
___nobody: three seasons in palo alto is tasty, have not had that for a while
___nobody: no fried stuff
___nobody: unless it's fried in korean spices
Ping: sounds good
Ping: i actually never tried three seasons
Ping: to be honest
Ping: i only tried the other one
___nobody: two seasons?
___nobody: this is 50% better

deviant sort of behaviors

Stanley: sadism meeting
___nobody: monkey yes
___nobody: at 3pm
Stanley: bring the whip and the choke balls
___nobody: gag
Stanley: gag balls
Stanley: obviously i'm not up to speed in these deviant sort of behaviors
___nobody: monkey yes
___nobody: I have to surf something at work

a lot of porn

___nobody: if I buy 900,000 movies, it means that ping is that much closer to a new purse
Ping: haha
Ping: how about you just buy me one
Ping: it's easier then buying 900k movies
___nobody: probably
___nobody: plus, that's a lot of porn

overall worth it

Brandon: I'd like to take advantage of not paying rent for 2 months
Brandon: recoup some of the ass raping I took on my house in LA
___nobody: well
___nobody: think of leaving yahoo
___nobody: as getting a large tumor removed
___nobody: from a sensitive part of your body
___nobody: there's a lot of material lost
___nobody: but
___nobody: overall worth it

where did u go

William: Hey, can you do me a favor?
William: go to www.trackersuite.com/testdemo.html and click the WMV demo- tell me how long it takes to start playing
___nobody: jesus
___nobody: this is crazy shit
___nobody: where did u go
BUZZ!!!
___nobody: i want to mock you some more

the bunny gets it

Adam: where is my frickin present day MMO?
Adam: make it
___nobody: it's in the works kk
Adam: good
Adam: have it done by tomorrow or the bunny gets it
___nobody: that could mean almost anything in sweden

sounded like a good one

Irvin: ive got major neck pain
Irvin: due to stress
___nobody: P2P is killing u
___nobody: for sure
Irvin: it sure is
Irvin: ive never felt more involved in the process though
Irvin: its overrated
___nobody: now you are the part of
___nobody: ah i can't be negative
___nobody: it'll be OK
Irvin: hahaa
Irvin: finish that statement, it sounded like a good one
Irvin: a zinger
___nobody: i'm holding back
___nobody: but secretly, i'm here laughing

dealing with earthquakes

Stanley: monkey i found a programmer, but he only knows Delphi to make games
Stanley: it is teh indonesian programmer
Stanley: monkey it is le disappointing
___nobody: maybe he's too busy dealing with earthquakes
___nobody: and tsunamis
___nobody: to learn real programming language
Stanley: yes
___nobody: they don't have a lot of time to spend debugging hard c++ code
___nobody: who knows when power will go out
___nobody: or building will fall over or be submerged

sit on your jacket

___nobody: good thing I did not sit on your jacket
___nobody: otherwise
___nobody: your jacket would smell like mountain spring fresh scent
Ping: that is not bad at all
Ping: you don't know how much frank stinked!
Ping: i think he never wash his pants
___nobody: well
___nobody: if you want
___nobody: i am available to sit on your jacket
___nobody: i do smell very fresh
Ping: jeez!
___nobody: it's quite an offer
___nobody: i know
___nobody: i'll let you think about it

way to the top

___nobody: i tried sleeping my way to the top
___nobody: did not get far
___nobody: what a mess

clicking every link

Adam: what's happening you old crazy fart
___nobody: coding
___nobody: late into the night
Adam: for a pr0n site?
___nobody: yes
Adam: excellent
___nobody: "coding" meaning "clicking every link on www.hotswedishmilfs.com"

less splattery

Brandon: in a month, I've been delayed on the train twice due to suiciders
Brandon: wtf
Brandon: there's gotta be another way
Brandon: less splattery
___nobody: ha ha ha
___nobody: i mean,
___nobody: i shouldn't laugh at human tragedy
___nobody: but lets be honest it's kinda cool

polar icecap melting

Irvin: students are pretentious and arrogant
Irvin: too bad they will be us someday
___nobody: hopefully we can fuck up enough things
___nobody: by time they get there
___nobody: things will truly be screwed
Irvin: im gonna go run my car all night
Irvin: to speed up polar icecap melting

nature of my work

Irvin: do one of those lunches where you
Irvin: come over to our place and stay for 2 hours
___nobody: i will try
___nobody: but you realize
___nobody: given the nature of my work and the sensitivity to these kind of things
___nobody: i can only do that kind of stuff
___nobody: three, maybe four times a week

never a debate

Sandy: Ry-Ann lives up in the city now too
Sandy: he moved there for a giiiiiiirllll
Sandy: and I've met her, so he didn't make her up
___nobody: she's not even inflatable
Sandy: like the last one
Sandy: she was nice, a little quiet, and she always seem to have her mouth open
___nobody: the arguments at least were pretty minimal
Sandy: true
___nobody: and never a debate on what to do tonight -- straight to the sack everytime

not big into accuracy

___nobody: market opens at 8am EDT
Albert: no it opens 9:30 am EST
___nobody: whatever
___nobody: 9:30am , 8am
___nobody: We're not big into accuracy around here
Albert: thats the difference between $42 and $38 at yahoo
___nobody: we're also not big into being rich around here either

good blog you got

ravihacks: good blog you got
___nobody: you know
___nobody: i don't know shit about finance or gadgets
___nobody: i don't care about my latte from starbucks
___nobody: and about how it was extra foamy today
___nobody: but
___nobody: i do care about making people feel worse

my annual review

___nobody: I'd put that in my blog
___nobody: but it might affect my annual review

not for evil

James: how to display html link in messenger without showing the tags?
James: hmm, how did you put the "test" link there?
___nobody: http://link.com test
James: what did you see next to my name?
___nobody: yahoo
___nobody: it works
James: cool
James: thx
___nobody: be sure to use this amazing power you have gained
___nobody: only for good
___nobody: not for evil

french guys are freaks

___nobody: Did the French Dude answer questions on Hibernate setup?
Ping: not at all
Ping: not sure why he could not
Ping: even you, who never looked at our code
Ping: can understand what i am talking about
___nobody: I am also not french, it helps
Ping: haha
Ping: i do love scottish much better
Ping: seriously french guys are freaks
___nobody: scottish people have a long and glorious history of object relational mapping

i wish i was u

Fred: u have the coolest IM conversations EVER
Fred: i wish i was u
___nobody: you'd be surprised how little I hear that
Fred: no. no i wouldn't

japanese girls

___nobody: monkey
___nobody: nice video
Stanley: monkey yes
Stanley: my work is done for the day
___nobody: i can't get enough japanese girls crying on their knees
Stanley: or any other positions

apple fanboys

___nobody: you apple fanboys
___nobody: amazing
Scott: have you seen this thing yet?
Scott: its amazing
___nobody: the iphone?
Scott: yeah
___nobody: is it cool or something
Scott: it'll do your laundry for you!
___nobody: does it have a built-in taser?
Scott: of course. thats a standard feature
___nobody: excellent
___nobody: otherwise i would want nothing to do with it